zombiesrunfandomcom-20200214-history
Mother’s Little Helper
It's a lighter mission today, as you run through an animal sanctuary to pick up psychiatric drugs Cast * Zoe Crick * Phil Cheeseman * Paula Cohen Plot Err, The Gate? Phil's your operator today, and tries to keep Zoe's excitement about running through an animal sanctuary to a minimum, while Paula focuses on the medicine you're picking up. Need To See Those Owls Zoe lets you in on why she regularly helps with these pickups - she has depression. You also learn she's seeing someone at the moment, but is more cagey about revealing that information! Better Speed Up Unfortunately Phil's operator skills leave something to be desired, as he accidentally leads you, Paula and Zoe, towards some zoms. 100% Guarantee As you run from the zombies, Paula and Zoe reflect on the similarities between finally being cured of the zombie virus, and coming out of depression. Usually A Good Idea Zoe explains that her enthusiasm about baby bats and pumas indicates she's well. You'll have to outrun the zombies if you don't want to get caught by your new four-legged friends though! Get To Those Trees You're almost there, but the zoms are closing in. Luckily up ahead there's a net you can trap the zombies in, and they can then be puma food. Don't Come Again Finally you reach the exchange point, and Zoe spills the beans on her lover - it's Amelia! Paula and Phil's shock is cut short when you realise the exchange is deserted; a note explains your contacts have gone over to the Ministry, and you're no-longer welcome. S06E24 // Rofflenet Discussion regarding this mission can be found on Rofflenet Transcript PHIL CHEESEMAN: All right, this is the mic feed. squeals, PHIL CHEESEMAN hisses and whispers That is not the mic feed. So, um… this is the mic feed? ZOE CRICK: I thought Sam took you through all the equipment earlier? PAULA COHEN: He was getting Sara her breakfast at the time. She sees vegetables as more of a missile than a food. PHIL CHEESEMAN: It’s okay. I think I’ve got - gunshots yeah. Covering fire. Well, that’s exactly what I was going to tell them to do. Right. Right. throat Okay. So today you’re going to Meerkat Manor, the animal sanctuary. ZOE CRICK: Meerkat Manor? Oh my God! Oh my God! Well, why didn’t you tell me that’s where we’re going? PHIL CHEESEMAN: Because I knew that’d be how you reacted, and I was kind of hoping you’d concentrate on the mission rather than meerkats so you don’t get eaten by zombies. PAULA COHEN: And the mission is to collect psychiatric drugs – antidepressants and antipsychotics, mainly. There’s an arrangement between all UK territories, even Sigrid’s, to exchange them at a neutral point. PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yep. In an animal sanctuary. ZOE CRICK: I am literally going to heaven. PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yeah. Uh, this is a nice, light mission for everyone! Five, we just thought, you know, with your Moonchild… problem, it might be better for you to do more non-Sigrid missions for a while. PAULA COHEN: After what you told us Moonchild had done to you, without your consent, without any possibility you could even answer back… oh, it’s awful! I can’t imagine how you feel, Five. We just want to see if we can find something that helps with your Moonchild susceptibility. Veronica thinks she might be able to put together an earpiece that could counter the voices, but until then, yes. A few less Sigrid missions. PHIL CHEESEMAN: Which is not to say that this isn’t an important and dangerous mission. You need to be out of there by nightfall. PAULA COHEN: Zoms? PHIL CHEESEMAN: Pumas. So get going. ZOE CRICK: Uh, Phil. The gate? PHIL CHEESEMAN: Oh God, yes! Sorry, sorry! throat Raise the gate. siren, gate raises, PHIL CHEESEMAN whispers Now run! PHIL CHEESEMAN: Okay, guys, you’ve reached the zebra enclosure. Make sure you close that gate behind you. clatters shut ZOE CRICK: Ooh, I can see them in the distance there! laughs Grazing by the little spruce copse. Oh, this is much nicer than the last place they had the exchange, isn’t it, Five? Honestly, who thought picking up antidepressants in a former abattoir would be a good idea? laughs PAULA COHEN: I didn’t know you’d done this run before, Zoe. I thought you and Phil were mainly Jamie wranglers. ZOE CRICK: Well, since I’m one of their biggest customers for Sertraline, it seems only fair to help with supply. PAULA COHEN: You have depression? Oh, laughs I don’t know why I’m sounding so surprised. You always seem pretty cheerful. But presumably, that’s because the meds are actually working, which is what they’re supposed to do. PHIL CHEESEMAN: Zo’s lucky the SSRIs do the trick for her. One of my cousins had depression, and nothing worked for him. He ended up… yeah. ZOE CRICK: Yeah. Look. Look! laughs Up ahead! Is that an owl enclosure? PHIL CHEESEMAN: According to the map, yeah. Mostly just barn owls, though. PAULA COHEN: You say that like it’s a bad thing. PHIL CHEESEMAN: Hey, Zo, have you ever met the guys who run this place? ZOE CRICK: No. Why? PHIL CHEESEMAN: Nothing. Just if you asked me to list the qualities of your dream man, “runs a meerkat sanctuary” would be near the top. Ooh, I know. Let’s stay here tonight! See if anyone catches your eye. ZOE CRICK: Don’t be silly. laughs Paula needs to get back to Sara. PAULA COHEN: Oh, not really. Sam and Maxie can look after her. PHIL CHEESEMAN: Go on. What have you got to lose? ZOE CRICK: Look, if you must know, I’m seeing someone at the moment. PHIL CHEESEMAN: What? Who? ZOE CRICK: No time to explain. laughs I need to see those owls. Come on, Five, race you! hoots PHIL CHEESEMAN: There’s no time to look at the owls, Zo. You need to get moving or you won’t get to the med exchange before dark. Zoe? If you get moving, there’s a capybara field up ahead. ZOE CRICK: Oh! PHIL CHEESEMAN: There we go. ZOE CRICK: You know, when I was a teenager, Mum used to drag me to this urban farm near us when I was feeling low. laughs I’ve spent more time staring at pot-bellied pigs than you can possibly imagine. PAULA COHEN: Did it help? ZOE CRICK: No, not really. Well, that’s the thing about depression, isn’t it? You’re not depressed because there’s nothing nice in your life. You can’t enjoy anything nice because you’re depressed. PHIL CHEESEMAN: Ooh, wait. Um, I think I just switched on one of the local camera feeds. PAULA COHEN: You think? PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yeah. Ah, I can see the three of you! Honestly, Zo, Jamie’s right. You need to work on your gait. You can damage your tendons that way. Also, there’s about 12 zoms following you. ZOE CRICK: You do kind of suck at this. PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yeah. So since I might have accidentally lead to your untimely deaths, before you die, is there anything you want to share with me? ZOE CRICK: I’m not telling you who I’m dating, Phil. PAULA COHEN: It’s not Runner Nineteen, is it? He seems like your sort. PHIL CHEESEMAN: Oh, yeah, he really does. ZOE CRICK: He’s allergic to nuts. PHIL CHEESEMAN: Right. Is that… bad? ZOE CRICK: No man’s worth giving up pad thai for. PAULA COHEN: Even now? ZOE CRICK: Well, we might find the ingredients to make pad thai again. PHIL CHEESEMAN: Ugh, those zoms are really decayed. They look like those anatomy paintings that always gave me nightmares. Better speed up, guys. Run! ZOE CRICK: Those zoms are pretty nippy for shamblers. PHIL CHEESEMAN: They are basically skeletons with bits of stringy flesh hanging off them. Probably makes them quite streamlined. PAULA COHEN: It’s strange, having to be scared of zoms again. The first time I saw some out of the gate with the cure, I just… stood there. You had to push me out of the way, didn’t you, Five? I’d honestly forgotten they could hurt me. PHIL CHEESEMAN: Please try not to forget it again. Sam would skin me alive if I let anything happen to you. PAULA COHEN: No, he wouldn’t. He’d be very, very upset, but try to convince you it wasn’t your fault. laughs It’s nice though, in a way, having the same fears as everyone else. And Sara. Yesterday she sneezed, and this little bubble of snot came out. ZOE CRICK: Ugh, that’s… lovely. PAULA COHEN: But I got to wipe it away! And then I got to hug her and run my fingers through her hair! Oh, it’s so thick and dark now. She definitely takes after Maxie there. I feel… I feel like I’ve rejoined the human race. ZOE CRICK: That’s sort of what coming out of a bout of depression feels like. When you’re in it, everything’s behind a glass screen. You can touch it, but you can’t touch it. And then suddenly, everything’s there again, in full color. PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yeah… Zoe. Speaking of touching things, or you know, people - ZOE CRICK: No. PAULA COHEN: We won’t gossip about it. ZOE CRICK: It’s not you telling anyone I’m worried about. PHIL CHEESEMAN: Oh. Oh! Someone embarrassing, isn’t it? PAULA COHEN: There is no such thing as an embarrassing partner if they make you happy. Oh, tell us, Zoe. We won’t judge you, I promise. ZOE CRICK: I can absolutely 100% guarantee that you will. Come on. Those zoms are catching up. Let’s move! PAULA COHEN: Is it my imagination, or have we picked up more zoms? PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yeah, and this is bad, but there’s a place up ahead where they nurse injured bats. There’s one in there at the moment with a broken wing. PAULA COHEN: And why is that bad, exactly? PHIL CHEESEMAN: Because Zoe will want to stop and look at it. ZOE CRICK: But it’s a bat with a broken wing, Phil. A bat! With a broken wing! laughs Oh, if that doesn’t make you feel all gooey inside, you’re basically Satan. PHIL CHEESEMAN: Okay, but you have like, fly-by gooey feelings? Those zoms are getting closer. Also, pumas. ZOE CRICK: Pumas! PAULA COHEN: I have to ask, Zoe: is there any animal you don’t think is adorable? Cockroaches? Blue-ringed octopuses? ZOE CRICK: Octopuses are the best. PAULA COHEN: So that’d be a no, then. ZOE CRICK: But you see, this is my depression test. Do octopuses make me feel gooey? Yes? Not depressed. No? Starting to get depressed again. It’s how I know I need to go back on the meds. PAULA COHEN: That’s… actually quite sensible. PHIL CHEESEMAN: Okay, guys, you need to get moving. Those pumas look hungry, and they’ll pick off the slowest. ZOE CRICK: So don’t be slower than the zoms? PAULA COHEN: That’s usually a good idea. Come on. gunshots PHIL CHEESEMAN: Doing great, guys. PAULA COHEN: But the zoms are catching up to us! If Five hadn’t shot those two in the lead, they’d have caught us already! I – I think I’m scared. Yes? I’m definitely very frightened. PHIL CHEESEMAN: It’s going to be okay. You see those two cedar trees up ahead? There’s a net hanging between them. It’s on the plans as a security measure. Uh, there’s a switch for it on the ground. Once you’re through, you can drop it on the zoms. Then the pumas can eat them. You just have to get to those trees. Only, um, maybe a bit faster? ZOE CRICK: I’ll give the zombie apocalypse one thing: at least no one asks me what I’ve got to be depressed about anymore. creaks, rope net drops PHIL CHEESEMAN: Chocks away. That… yep. It’s got them all. You’re safe. PAULA COHEN: Oh, good! sighs And up ahead looks like the exchange point. So now you can tell us, Zoe. ZOE CRICK: You don’t give up, do you? PHIL CHEESEMAN: Please? ZOE CRICK: Absolutely not. PAULA COHEN: Oh, God. I’ve just realized who it is. ZOE CRICK: How could you possibly know that? PAULA COHEN: Because I’ve heard your show. You’ve got no shame. If it was anyone else, you would have told us. I’m right, aren’t I? PHIL CHEESEMAN: That’s a really good point. She’s got you there, Zo. ZOE CRICK: All right. Fine. You’re right. It’s Amelia. CHEESEMAN gasps PAULA COHEN: What?! ZOE CRICK: You said you knew. PAULA COHEN: I thought it was Jamie! You two always seemed to get along really well. I thought you two had to keep it quiet because he’s, you know, the King of England. PHIL CHEESEMAN: Amelia. Amelia “Never Had a Friend Who Wouldn’t Double-Cross” Spens. Amelia “Heart of Pure Stone” Spens. That Amelia? ZOE CRICK: You promised you wouldn’t judge. PHIL CHEESEMAN: Oh, I’m not. PAULA COHEN: I am! PHIL CHEESEMAN: All right, I am, too. What the hell, Zoe? ZOE CRICK: I was thinking she was there, and I was horny, and you’ve got to admit – hang on. Why aren’t there any people at the meds station? There’re always people there. I was looking forward to a chat. PHIL CHEESEMAN: Stop changing the subject. PAULA COHEN: No, Zoe’s right. It’s deserted. And I can see a red sign over the table where the tablets are stacked up. PHIL CHEESEMAN: Oh. Uh… oh, you’re right. ZOE CRICK: What does it say? PHIL CHEESEMAN: It says, “Sorry, Abel Township, but this is the last time you’ll be welcome here. Sigrid’s offered us the cure. We can’t turn that down. It’s needed here more than anywhere. We’ve left you meds on the table. Don’t come again.” Category:Mission Category:Season Six